Flare

burn with a sudden intensity.

That is a definition of the word. This is not to be confused with Flair which you may hear in the dance world meaning:

distinctive and stylish elegance or a natural talent.

Nope. this flare is usually associated with a candle or a light of some sort. Nonetheless in my case it is medical. In the Fibromyalgia world used as a flare-up. That sudden intensity isn’t light but pain. We live every day in some level of pain. There are days we feel “great” able to cook, clean, and maybe even Dance. Then there are days we have to pick like two or three things to accomplish before the exhaustion or pain take us down. Other days we do not even want to move.

Then there is a full on flare-up. And a week ago I hit the wall. I had been doing great and maybe I forgot to rest a little more, but I was banking on the nap almost every day to be my recharging. I woke up and just wanted to cry. Everything hurt. Even my head and my stomach hurt! It isn’t like having stomach ache and you need Pepto or something Tylenol, Advil, or ibuprofen will take the edge off. . no it is a deep ache. The very nerves scream. Then there is always an area that is excruciating. for me was my back, a nice sharp knife like stab in my lower vertebrate, made catching my breath or getting words out hard.

People just look at you helplessly. In your mind you just want to get up and tackle the day! There is laundry to do, children to take care of, floors to clean, memories to make, but you are stuck in this dying corpse. No  evidence, no hospital wires, nor a physical knife in your back, you just look lazy and crazy to everyone around you. Then you start to think you are actually crazy. It is similar to being in labor, no one can see the contractions coming on and as you grip, or breath or scream people can only assume that something is happening. You can still move your body nothing actually is wrong with you muscles or bones to inhibit movement, in that sense, it is the state of when a woman stops in her tracks from a contraction, cannot speak or move. . . just all over your body and there is no baby, there is no relief.

This time mine lasted two days. I hate showing people just how bad it can get. I feel weak and worthless. Oh but this time I wish someone would have come and cleaned up the house, played fun games with the kids and help them make crafts or something fun, someone would have made healthy meals for us and prayed over everything in our lives, and also someone to just sit next to me holding my hand. They could be reading, or talking about beautiful things, not requiring me to engage just uplifting. To be honest I cannot complain. I had a friend do my dishes, another friend brought us dinner Sunday night and my parents picked up the girls for a few hours Sunday afternoon. But it is like you need a community to swarm in and save you and your life during these flare-ups! I would call it the Flare-up love team! they just pour love and life into your home and family during some of the darkest times. The pain can get so bad you wish for death, but you do not want to die, you WANT to LIVE!  I am still recovering, I am still not up and moving normally. I am tired of the hurting, I am hungry for a real meal, Salmon and asparagus, garden greens and a beautiful warm bread would be amazing.

Here is a link to Focus on the Family’s article with some encouraging words if you are also suffering from chronic pain. When We Suffer

Dear Lord,

We come before you now in the times of our weakness. We need you. We surrender our lives into your hands. Help give us strength, encourage us though things seem dim. We know you are with us. You are for us. Your plan is greater than we could ever think or imagine. Give us hope, renew our minds. We love you. We trust you. Thank you for your many blessings and another day with you. In Jesus name we pray,

Amen.

 

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