Working out can cause soreness and stiffness. This is a known fact to. . Like everyone! Lol And for many, this is the part that deters them from enjoying the benefits of exercise. To be honest, I use to enjoy this. It would make me feel alive. I knew I had worked hard. I would laugh at the times my abs hurt to laugh and then laugh even more because the laughing hurt my abs. I knew I was getting stronger. I wanted to be stronger.
now I am weak. Very weak. Sometimes my strength comes out as muscle memory and adrenaline, but to be quite frank. I am very weak. I rest against objects all the time. I cringe at trying to open jars and shake carrying in multiple grocery bags. It doesn’t shock me. For over six years I have not worked out. Or if I tried I felt the repercussions drastically. Leading eventually to me being on bed rest, intensive chiropractic care, and narcotics for a 25 day span. It was devesating. I didn’t know if the pain would leave. I didn’t know where is came from, and wondered if I would walk again. Well I did walk again. But for two and a half years, I have lived a life of seditary, tears, fears, and of course many struggles.
Worst of all, my children suffer. Mom is good at sleeping. That is what my four year old wrote on her Mother’s Day gift from school. I wish I slept well, I wish I was rested and healed. How to explain to little children the invisible illness that over takes my body. And as I sit here typing this, I have stuck up my children’s imagination to turn my bedroom in to a park full of trees, grass, bushes, with wild animals. . .because I cannot motivate my lower body to want to move today. The idea of actually take them to the park, just the idea, exhausts me. This mean disease, allows me to attend a lyrical dance class after working a full day on Tuesday. Which was amazing and I loved every moment. To me catching a stomach bug and being bed ridden for two days.
Recovery from a workout is hard. But the invisible disease makes it so much worse. Now I don’t feel the strength growing, I feel the weakness of my body. I feel like I’m falling to pieces. I jump from loving caring mom voice to yelling, in a slips second. To get up and help them hurts and drains me. The loud noises kill my head. Today is a rough day. I pray for all the other moms out there suffering. You are not alone. There is hope. Today is a rough day. But it is one day. I know God will heal us or make us stronger. I trust my God. But today I will just make it through.